MEAN

When I was little I used to write letters to people and never give it to them. Kind of like in the movie "To All The Boys I Loved Before" except I wrote letters for EVERYONE.

I used to tell the boy how much I liked him, or the girl on how much she hurt me. I used to tell on my brother but never give to my mom. I used to write to my older self telling her that she will be an awesome singer one day.

I stopped doing that. I don't really remember when, probably around the time I got social media. I used to have this account that people would call a "spam" or "finsta" where I would post all my annoyances - which ultimately caused drama.

 I deleted my "finsta"  before my senior year and it was one of the smartest decisions I've ever made. If I would've had that spam account for the last year I would've have said so much I regret, because my oh my was this year I went to hell and back and then back again.

With all that being said I have one last letter to write. For those of you who care to read please choose to listen to the words I write.

To the girl who won't leave me alone, 

I had to learn this lesson the hard way, but there is this weird thing about growing up. There isn't the need to be so public with your problems. Maturity is a powerful thing, one I don't think you've mastered yet.

I always wondered if you cared how someone else would feel when you post the things you do. Is it fun? Is it really that fun to publicly embarrass someone for the sake of enjoyment? Maybe it is for you. Maybe you feel power in degrading people and making them feel small. Maybe you're so insecure you feel like you have to do what you do. 

For the longest time I cared. I cared about what you posted. When you called me ugly, I believed you.  I began to realize that you posted to get a reaction out of me. You loved the drama. You LOVE the drama.  I have learned. Still maybe you will see this piece of writing as a reaction, but I say it's me moving on. 

I don't feel the need to have you blocked, but I do. I don't feel the need to sensor my words just because you want to make an assumption that my actions were purposely to targeted you. Not everyone's going to like me, and I’m 100% okay with that because I sure as heck don't like everyone.

As much as you have hurt men I hope you know you have so much going for you. Work on building yourself up, not tearing girls like me down. 

Maybe you'll learn once you're at the phase of life I am, but maybe you won't. But now I am  living in a big ole city and all you're ever gonna be is mean. 

Sincerely, a girl who still learning to forgive.